Lima Lima Love You Lima

By email we requested three nights at the Hostal el Patio in Miraflores, recommended by the Lonely Planet Guide. We were told by Alvaro that he could accommodate us but that March bookings were heavy so we would have to change to a different room every day. We accepted. The hotel is prettier than a Grimm’s fairy tale with one of the wolves lurking in Granny’s garden. A sanctuary of flowers, interesting plants, song birds, gently gurgling fountains, soft weather, welcoming shade and friendly staff. Therapeutic and restful - the perfect sub-title. We unpacked in a new room each day and soon discovered the patio on the second floor. You bet we made good use of it, a place in the garden to put up our feet, sip a glass of wine and meet interesting people from around the world. As a matter of fact the first person we met was Felicity, a gorgeous, tall and slender girl who we discovered without too much surprise, was Canadian. In fact she told us she is a hostess on the Rocky Mountaineer and had only recently moved to Vancouver from Calgary. She said a little nervously that Hostal el Patio was the first stop of her two month trip around South America – by herself! Think about that Richard and Donna as you clutch your possessions with a titan grip and suspiciously eye the blameless and continually-picked-on taxi drivers. Backpackers, people with real luggage (try telling that to Thelma and Louis), people with Lonely Planet Guides, British, German, French, North American, some wearing expensive hiking boots and some wearing sensible sandals – a presentation of adventurous humanity arriving and departing the Hostal in continuous rotation. Fine looking folks too, the kind of people you might meet in the high Andes wearing Tilley hats and zip-offs or taking notes at a lecture about Inca mythology or archaeology, contentedly sipping coffee in the breakfast room every morning. All of them independently lured to Peru for one reason and one reason only. What, oh what could that reason be, you ask? Machu Picchu. Surely one of the most incredible sights on earth. Now are you ready for this? Cover our heads in shame with a colourfully woven Peruvian blanket; we did not go to Machu Picchu. We are the only tourists in the history of modern science to arrive Peru with plenty of time who chose not to visit Machu Picchu. Instead we rode to Chiclayo on a night bus, 12 hours north in the direction of Guayaquil. But more about Chiclayo and the Lord of Sipan in the next story. After Chiclayo we returned to Hostal el Patio for two nights before flying to Brazil. Alvaro told us we would have to change rooms again. So! Five nights - five different rooms. I think, as unofficial members of the Hostal el Patio Club, that after the fourth move we became qualified experts on the important topic of never opening the section of your luggage that contains the dirty clothes. Unless you are doing so under the protection of the armed guards at the laundry next door. Whew! We got those smelly little puppies out of the bag just in time. ‘Hello….’ Two loads of laundry, one blanco and one colored, cost fifteen Soles, about CA$5.00.

Things you should know about Lima Lima Love:

The Good
The vista of the beaches, the surfers, the sun bathers and the Pacific Ocean from the pathway at the top of Larco Mar in Miraflores, is simply stunning. We had read about this dramatic perspective in various travel guides but you have to see it to believe it. Who knew that the Peruvians would boast about Machu Picchu to the entire world but keep quiet about the spectacular scenery inside their city limits? I want to buy a condo in Miraflores with a view of Larco Mar and the Pacific Ocean, and spend time there every year when we’re not cruising, travelling in other countries or spending quality time with our family and friends.

Museo Herrera Larco, opened in 1926, is one of the five top rated archaeological museums in the world. We spent an afternoon wandering the halls and ante-rooms and the lovely manicured gardens, marvelling at just how clever so many ancient Peruvian civilizations were to produce such brilliant works of gold, pottery and weavings. One of the storerooms showcases more than 40,000 catalogued items found in various sites around Peru. The museum tied in nicely with our visit to Chiclayo and the tomb of the Lord of Sipan – more about that in our next report.

We happened to find a hairdresser in Miraflores who used the largest scissors in the world to cut our hair - think upgraded hedge clippers - but she did a good job as the insatiable jaws opened and closed so quickly one millimetre from our ears and cranium. The wind caused by the rapid movement of the blades was strong enough to blow the hair away from the protective plastic body cover and pile it neatly in the corner next to the dust pan. The cost of a five star haircut by the largest scissors in the world – twenty Soles, about CA$7.00, and the hairdresser did a remarkably good job! She smiled beautifully at her tip.

In the same shop was another woman. The pedi and mani girl. Don’t be fooled just because her associate gave a five star performance with oversized equipment – this gal was far more interested in the afternoon soap opera than the cuticles on anyone’s hands and feet. But she did get the job done and with a passable three star result. Cost thirty Soles for both, about CA10.00 for fingers and toes.

Miraflores restaurants serve delightful cuisine from pretty much every angle of the world. Prices are reasonable and the food is of high quality. We did not get sick. Miraflores has several casinos (as do most cities in South America). Money exchange is an even-handed affair in Peru unlike some countries we have visited where the Canadian dollar is worth two radishes and a broken shoe lace – one Peruvian Sole costs only about 35 cents Canadian. So, for you gamblers in the crowd, playing the slot machines in Peru means your money goes three times further before you lose everything and end up in debtor’s prison. But that isn’t the wondrous part. Are you ready? If you happen to be in some particular casinos in Miraflores between 1:30 and 3:00 in the afternoon, you are given free lunch right at your slot machine. It’s true!! Once and for all we can personally put an end to the ‘there’s no free lunch’ theory. One day we were served a yummy plate of stuffed pork tenderloin with rice and a delightful little side salad. Astonishing really. We could chomp and romp through our waning field of cash with satisfaction written all over our faces – picture the Von Trapp family running happily down the side of the mountain to a blissful little picnic with Mary Poppins. Who knew? But are you ready for this? There’s an even more startling aspect to Peru gaming – I hope it doesn’t give you a heart attack. If you happen to be in the Fiesta Casino playing the slots at about 8:30pm every night, they serve you dinner! I know, I know – catch your breath. For goodness sakes why isn’t the entire world gambling in the Fiesta Casino in Lima every night at 8:30pm, that’s what we want to know. One thing is sure. If we were in Lima tonight you would be able to meet us there at 8:30. Come hungry! So the long and the short of it is, as soon as we made these important discoveries we abstained from fine dining in the pizza restaurants and started running down the mountain for our picnic with Mary Poppins. Way more fun! Our CA$5.00 a day gambling budget started paying off too, and by the time we headed to the airport in a cab (with Thelma and Louis safe and secure in the trunk) we were borderline semi-quasi wealthy – and that’s saying a lot in a 100% fact-free statement.
Lima’s old town is filled with everything you want to see on a visit to a big city and most of it is concentrated around Plaza de Armas. Old stuff, new stuff, beautifully maintained architecture, bleak and impossibly worn down buildings, wonderful open air plazas, block after block of affordable shopping and just out of sight behind this pillar or that post, unseen observers waiting for you to make a mistake with your wallet or your camera, your shopping bag or backpack. Central Lima is well dressed with suits and shiny shoes, politicians, clergy, expensive cars and everything else you can think of. Lima’s importance within the nation is so overwhelming that some scholars suggest there are two Perus: Lima and the rest of the country. Lima’s metropolitan area has a population of 9 million, about one-third of the nation’s total.
Lima was founded by Spanish soldier Francisco Pizarro, but the fountain in the central square that was built in 1651 in his honour is brand new compared to the day they buried the Lord of Sipan. An earthquake in 1746 destroyed all the colonial structures on the plaza, but fortunately for today’s wondering eyes, they were rebuilt. Lima’s cathedral (begun after the earthquake) faces the plaza and contains a coffin said to hold Pizarro’s remains. Adjoining the cathedral is the Archbishop’s Palace which features elegant carved-wood balconies typical of Lima’s colonial architecture. City hall is across the plaza, and the Government Palace, home to the country’s president, occupies the block between the cathedral and city hall. At first we did not know why there were so many armed guards, soldiers, riot police and riot control vehicles in the area. Even Dirty Harry was there wielding his 44 Magnum asking everyone, ‘do ya feel lucky, punk?’, then we realized the Presidential Palace must be the reason. So we behaved ourselves and never once got arrested, shot at, deported or attacked by pooping pigeons.

The Bad
Lima has multiple layers of taxi drivers – like the caste system in India. Airport taxis are unmarked, limousine type vehicles that whisk passengers into the city for a prepaid price set by the airport authority. Cool. But there is a problem. A warning on the Hostal el Patio website advises people taking taxis from the airport to place everything in the trunk of the car. Apparently a stooge watches to see what cars have valuables stowed in the back seat then calls ahead to associates waiting at various traffic lights on the way into the city. The associate approaches the stopped car from behind, knows what to look for in the back seat, reaches through the open window or yanks open the door, grabs and runs. Fortunately we arrived in Lima by bus so we only had to contend with lower level thievery. Taxi rates are posted to various areas of Lima on a sign outside the Cruz del Sur bus station. The sign read, Miraflores 12 Soles. ‘How much to Miraflores?’ we asked a hard working, honest and only marginally perspiring taxi driver (in his opinion). Twenty Soles, came the reply.

There is No Ugly

Next report will be about Chiclayo – an amazing find.